I feel really dark and stupid today. And im gonna blog about my thoughts and feelings. So if if you are easily offended then get lost.

I took the longer route home and thought about stuff.
Hell. I shouldnt have like effed you in front of everyone.
But nerves just got better of me.
Goodness. Im just asking you to try the cello.
If you dont want then FINE. im not gonna point a gun to your head.
But did you know that your "not-so-punk","kickass" attitude drives me sick?
Just who are you to critisice cello section?
I know that you hate cello and that we are just LEFT-OVERS.
When you have no more intruments to go to, then you will grumpily come to cello.
Hell. I know that everyone come into a CHINESE orcestra to get to learn a CHINESE instru.
But dont you think that your comments are a little too harsh?
Yes, you have to open your legs to play the cello. Its big and bulky and everyone hates the idoitic sound of it.
You dont have to say that in front of all of us and remind us.
SOME COMMENTS SHOULD BE KEPT TO YOURSELVES.
I have never felt more insulted and vulgar than I had felt today when I was standing in front of you.
And the last thing I expected is Audrey to stand there and talk NICELY to you, trying to get you to TRY the cello.
And all you can do is to stand there, roll your eyes and eat her head off, saying that getting you to TRY the cello is a tactic to get you to join cello.
The best we are trying to do is to get you to at least TRY the cello. hello, we are not that SILLY and FREE.
And goodness sake, i havent even mentioned the BASS!

Cello is a beautiful instrument and everyone agrees.
If you dont appreciate it, at least have the decency to keep your very own HONEST comments to yourselves.
If you hate cello we can TRY and get you to another instru.
If you cant then TOO BAD.
LIVE WITH IT.
No need to beat us hands-down.
You also came for the interview.
You also agreed that you wouldnt mind if you get into an intru which you dont LIKE, much say love.
But you are not even giving cello a CHANCE.
WE ARE ROCKERS.
Not boring old people who try to get more people into cello by hook or crook.
If you dont like it. we are NOT GOING TO FORCE you.
You are not going to be happy and everyone will not be happy.
Then whats the darn point of getting you to cello?
I just hope that you have really changed your opinion after liulaoshi talked to you.
Come on. I hate it when conflicts occur too, especially on the first day of your CCA but, damn,you make yourself so irritating, i cant help it.
I saw you cry and I HATE it when people cry.

Quit thinking about youself, maybe its also time to think..about US. The ones who were also hurt by your cutting comments, the ones who were so promptly reminded that they were in a sucky instru. I felt so dejected, so empty inside.
I am not gonna sulk and ask myself why I am in cello.
Cos i know the answer.
I have wonderful mates and humourous seniors and,erm, a very ,erm, good teacher, everything is good, everything is ok.
Maybe you failed to see the pros.

Oh wells I dont know and I really dont think I care alot. I will just keep on striving and hope that everything is going to be alright at the end of the day.

Shit. I didnt sound ANGRY enough didnt I?

HUIXIAN IS STUDYING.
SCIENCE AND MATHS AND HISTORY.
I CANT BELIEVE IT TOO.
DAMN.

oh my my. i have this big darn problem with my FUN FAIR TICKETS. damn. is any knid soul going to help me?

Everyone is preparing for CNY.
Its like the big big time of the year where angbaos come in.
But I doubt if I would be in any mood to celebrate CNY.
I used to go back to malaysia this time of the year.
Then showing off my new clothes to my cousins.
I was so innocent then.
What about this year?
Well well, im gonna lock myself in my room and listen to dark music about rape and murder while people are probably putting off fireworks in chinatown.

To think that it was only one year since I was 12.
Everything happens really fast.
But thats good right?
Maybe one day, i will wake up and realise that all this is just a nightmare.

Sometimes I dread the idea of sleeping.
I hate the idea of waking up into a new day.
Cos im scared, im scared that more frightening things might happen to me.

I know that my posts nowadays are probably very very negative.
If you are a sadist, welcome to the club.
If you are a positive person who hate people with negative thoughts, please click that X button on the top right hand corner of the page.
thank you.

im sick of your face.
GET OUT OF MY LIFE PLEASE!
making everyone miserable.
I didnt know there was a third party.
I hate the way you treat us like dirt.
What did he do to deserve this.
LOOK AT YOU.
HOW OLD DO YOU THINK ARE??!
14?15?16?
crap.
i never thought anyone will make me cry like that the whole night.
I figured it out.
you dont love me.
so STOP ordering me around.
IM NOT YOUR SALVE.
you are the worst person i have ever met.
im sorry but nothing you do will bring the past back.
NOT EVEN MONEY.
its over

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guess you know where i went guess you know what to do.
XD

Now i know why I cant log onto blogger.
Cos my baby brother blocked me.
I tried every single way to see how he blocked me.
Even my daddy, the computer pro was baffled.
All because my all so clever cousin raymond taught him all these stuff.
He says that he still have some more ways to block me from using blogger and all those sites i always go.
I swear im not gonna let him touch this computer ever again.

guess what... hols out and school's in.
hahah
today was great though although i was kindda nervous during cello lesson.

My new class was ok though, everything was quite OK.
Char was made the class MONITRESS.
wow. i think its cos of her hair larh.
even my dad thinks that she is MATURE.
oh wells. what can i say?

Cello was OK today. or should I say very good today.
Cos he didnt even like scold me or pick on me.
Although he OCCASIONALLY compared us to Nanyang, CatHigh and of course..his very infamous primary school pupils, he cut down quite abit on the crap and talked about proper stuff.
However, let me make a note here, I think that he loves his primary school pupils so much that he never fails to remind me of them every lesson.
XD
And like Audrey says, its OK when you have gotten used to it.
Spoken like a true sectional leader indead, mature and everything.

However before the lesson, i kept on reminding myself that I havent even touched that SYF piece which i was supposed to have practiced.
And that even my cello cover was DUSTY.
Im such a pessimist, right?
And shiyan just needed to keep harping on it.

But i still played so badly, feel very upset that im like wasting everyone's time.
Cos they can only go for break when I finish playing those 5 bars.
And audrey was like so hungry, wan chien was like so tired and stella was like so restless.
I FEEL SO BAD.
And although i was like cool and calm on the outside.
Inside, i was screaming my guts out, the silence was suffocating me every single millisecond with everyone with thier eyes on me, and i felt that instance that i would rather go for 100 hours of CIP in AMK library then having to be going through that.

After reading all that, or should I say, if you were nice enough to read everything, you should be able to conclude what's my new year resolution- MAKE SURE THAT I WILL PRACTICE CELLO MORE OFTEN AND THAT I WILL NO DISAPPOINT MR.LEE AND ALL MY SENIORS.

there, saw that? I think Liuyi, Audrey, Cheryl and Stella will be so bloody proud of me. And of course it isnt just all say no action. Im gonna reserve a time this saturday, SOLELY for cello practice.

so peeps, wish me luck.
XD